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On being jerked awake by Dubai Police
If you live in Dubai, were you woken up to the sound of your phone blaring out like a police siren last Monday morning?
If, like me, this roused you from a deep slumber, did you have absolutely no idea what was going on? Were we at war? Had Iran launched a nuke?
All these thoughts ran through my head, my pulse rising, before the voice of reason chimed in – it’s surely just my alarm sounding extra … erm … extra alarming.
As it turned out, none of the above applied. It was the Dubai Police issuing a public safety alert – a loud warning tone designed to forewarn residents and visitors in the UAE about an imminent emergency.
My phone was also vibrating on my bedside table like a maniacal insect.
I picked it up in the half-dark, almost dropping it, and looked at the screen.
There was a message written in Arabic and English.
“The city of Dubai is exposed to fluctuations in weather conditions,” it read. In other words, rain in the UAE.
Members of the public were advised to “stay away from beaches, avoid areas of valleys, torrent flows, and low places.”
Putting all notions of trying to get back to sleep aside as my heart rate subsided, I got up and carried on with my day – working at home as the government had advised due to the wet weather. The schools that weren’t on half-term break proceeded with online learning.
Some people got the National Early Warning System alert up to four times.
There was indeed heavy rain, thunder and lightning across parts of the UAE, and I was glad to be able to stay home (rain in the UAE is like a snow day in the UK), but it’s funny how a downpour in this country can be so wild – and gets treated like a cyclone, even though it isn’t.
Navigating through the treacherous waters of book sales
This Saturday, I found myself in Abu Dhabi again! Not for monster trucks this time, but to attend the book fair at the Abu Dhabi National Exhibition Centre (Adnec).
I was there to promote my book, Distracted Housewife in Dubai, and potentially sign a few copies – but I knew from the moment the publisher asked me to attend that it would be a hard sell.
Selling books is like trying to convince a cat to take swimming lessons—tricky, to say the least! It’s a real adventure that can leave you feeling like you’re lost in a labyrinth of words.
First of all, you have to contend with the literary jungle out there. It’s a wild and untamed landscape, filled with countless books vying for attention like a pack of hungry lions. You may have penned the next great masterpiece, but it’s like being a needle in a haystack, or rather, a book in a library.
And let’s not forget about the changing reading habits of today’s generation. Trying to sell books to people who can barely make it through a text message is like trying to sell broccoli to a kid who only wants candy. They’re more interested in swiping through memes and binge-watching TV shows than turning the pages of a good old-fashioned book.
There’s more! In the age of social media, everyone’s a critic. Selling books means putting your precious creation out there for the world to judge, like walking into a lion’s den armed only with a feather duster. Negative reviews can sting like a swarm of bees, and even positive ones can be as elusive as a unicorn sighting.
But wait! It was a book fair, I hear you say .. surely everyone was there because they love books? And, if that was the case, someone must have been persuaded to part with 40aed (it was discounted!) to purchase a copy? Well, a slight problem was the attendees were mainly Arabic-speaking, and my book is in English – not everyone wanted to read in English, which I completely understood. But I had lots of nice conversations with all sorts of people and it honestly was a great and exhilarating experience just to be there.
And though selling is not my forte at all (giving copies away would have been my preference and a lot easier for me!), I actually managed to make two sales to two lovely customers. Here’s a pic of me with one of them!
World famous Monster Jam makes truck stop in Abu Dhabi
This weekend I had the hilarious pleasure of making a pit stop in Abu Dhabi to attend the adrenalin-fuelled Monster Jam event at Etihad Arena.
It was great, kind of like a baseball game – relaxed vibe, family friendly, lots of kids, especially young boys.
Then there was total mayhem as the vehicles engaged in gravity-defying tests of speed and skill … dirt flying everywhere.
From the moment I stepped into the Monster Jam arena, I felt like I had been transported to a giant toy box, except the toys were 12,000-pound trucks and they ran on fuel instead of batteries. The sound of revving engines and the smell of gasoline filled the air, and I couldn’t help but feel like I was in the middle of a bizarre automotive apocalypse.
Raging motorheads will no doubt have been familiar with the line-up of flamboyantly painted vehicles. There was Grave Digger, the pickup-style Blue Thunder, the shark-shaped Megalodon and several others – each one making even the Gulf’s biggest 4x4s look tiny in comparison.
The freestyle competition was a sight to behold. The trucks flew through the air like they had wings, doing flips and twists that would make a gymnast jealous. The only thing missing was the circus music and some clowns juggling chainsaws.
7 fantastical things at the coronation of King Charles
What a coronation it was! The pomp, the circumstance, the historical significance, the bird’s eye view of the Abbey, and of course, the mandatory fancy hats (“I’ve got that hat,” my mum exclaimed on seeing European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen arrive)! From my pew in my parents’ house, where I was glued to the telly, here’s my take on the best bits of King Charles’s coronation.
1. The coronation ceremony involved the presentation of various symbolic items to the monarch, including the Bracelets of Sincerity and Wisdom, the Sovereign’s Orb, the Ring of Kingly Dignity, and the Rod of Equity and Mercy. You couldn’t make this stuff up! Imagine the fantasy novel King Charles could now write with that damn inky pen (not that he’ll have time – he was back to his day job straight after the bank holiday Monday).
2. With the addition of a long shimmering gold dressing gown called the Supertunica and what appeared to be the Oven Glove of God, the whole affair started to feel like a game of Double or Drop on Crackerjack, where participants had to hold an ever-increasing number of prizes and vegetables until their arms could no longer take the strain, and everything tumbled to the ground.
3. Not that we could see it, as this bit was censored by screens to block the scene from onlookers, but the new monarch was anointed with chrism oil consecrated in Jerusalem. The Dean of Westminster apparently poured the holy oil from the Ampulla (a golden vessel shaped like an eagle) onto the Coronation Spoon. The Archbishop of Canterbury then applied it to the king’s head, hands and chest. Out of all the objects used in medieval coronations, only the spoon has survived to this day, due to the fact that most of these items were destroyed during the overthrow and execution of King Charles I.
4. Seeing King Charles III topped with the St Edward’s Crown, rumoured to weigh as much as a small elephant, was a defining, will-it-or-won’t-it-fit moment. Thankfully, the crown did fit, though it looked like the Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby was struggling to screw in a dazzlingly shiny lightbulb. The St Edward’s Crown is not just any old crown – it’s the real deal! Made of gold, and encrusted with precious stones and pearls, this bad boy is the crown jewel (pun intended) of the British monarchy. After the coronation, it is carefully returned to the Tower of London. The last guy who tried to make off with it got tackled by the Queen’s Corgis and ended up with a face full of slobber.
5. Talking of shiny, did you see the gold coach? A crown on wheels if ever I’ve seen one. The gold carriage in question is over 200 years old, and was pulled by a team of eight majestic horses. The interior is decked out in luxurious velvet and satin upholstery, making for a truly regal ride. However, as Queen Elizabeth once famously remarked, the carriage was not designed with comfort in mind. In fact, her own journey in the carriage during her coronation was far from pleasant, leading her to describe it as “horrible.”
6. Not only was the ceremony filled with objects with very fantastical-sounding names, there were people with what sounded like made-up job titles. (What even is a Gold Stick in Waiting?) Well, actually, it’s a fancy name for royal bodyguard. This important position was held by Princess Anne, sister of King Charles. Alongside her, she had a trusty deputy known as the Silver Stick in Waiting.
7. Some people are speculating that the Conservatives might have actually won the local elections if only PM (Penny Mordaunt, bearer of swords, slayer of dragons) had been PM. Speaking of winners, let’s talk more about the Lord President of the Council – now there’s a person who knows how to make carrying a sword look like a breeze. With her background as a former conjurer’s assistant, she’s got some serious magic up her sleeve. And let’s not forget the press-up practice it took to get there – this lady is not to be underestimated.
Of course, it’s all worth it when you get to hold the Jewelled Sword of Offering, with its diamond, ruby and emerald-encrusted hilt (move over St. Edward’s Crown, there’s a new jewel in town). Even Penny, who’s used to being sawn in half, was blown away by the beauty of this weapon. Resembling Britney Spears in her flight attendant garb in the Toxic video, Penny Mordaunt was the breakout star of the Coronation.
If you have the opportunity to see Texas live, don’t miss them!
Scottish rock band Texas performed at Irish Village in Dubai this weekend, and it was a night to remember. Fans turned up in droves to enjoy the group’s signature sound and high-energy performance – and what better venue than the Tennis Stadium, with food (including pork!) next door, drink, the open air (albeit on the warm side, now summer is rolling in) and a clear view of the stage.
By big concert standards, gobby Glaswegian Sharleen Spiteri’s performance at the tennis stadium on Friday night was an ‘intimate’ gig.
A tennis stadium is, after all, designed so that every single seat can see that little yellow ball in the middle of the court, meaning every viewpoint is perfect.
Lead singer and guitarist Spiteri was a force to be reckoned with, belting out powerful vocals that resonated throughout the venue. She engaged the audience, encouraging them to sing along and clap to the beat. At times admonishing fans with a cheeky comment or two.
“Took you a while to get going, but you’re getting there,” she chirped in reference to an earlier observation about the crowd being an older bunch.
“Look, there are a few younger faces in the audience,” she said after surveying the front rows of eager fans. “Oh, but not you,” she quickly followed this up with, and I squirmed for whoever she was pointing out.
But slapstick suited Spiteri. She had comic timing, suggesting she’d be equally at home at a stand-up comedy night.
The band played a mix of old and new songs, and each one was met with thunderous applause. It’s not often that bands start their set with their most popular song, yet Texas chose to do just that. ‘I Don’t Want A Lover’, the lead track from their 1989 debut album Southside, served as a fitting opening number and set the tone for the remainder of the concert.
After that, highlights included ‘Say What You Want’, ‘Summer Sun’, ‘Halo’, ‘Once In A Lifetime’ and ‘Mr Haze’, all sounding timeless and Spiteri’s voice as sonorous and magnificent as when she first began her career three decades ago.
The band’s rendition of ‘Black Eyed Boy’ had everyone dancing, and mixed among the hits were some absolute gems from their most recent album, Hi, which I loved as much as the ‘oldies’.
Spiteri wasn’t afraid to be openly honest with the audience too. “It was raining in London when I left,” she said. ‘That’s why I’m wearing this suit – and now I’m just SO damn HOT.” With all her bouncing around stage, I wasn’t surprised. “My thermostat is completely shot,” she laughed (she’s 55, with a 21-year-old daughter, Misty Kyd, who she joked would #cancel the men chanting for her to “Get it [the suit] off.”
After thirty years of producing fantastic music, Texas continues to perform with a genuine sense of merriment – and, thanks to spirited Spiteri, with a remarkable connection to the audience, who went home buzzing.
The free Thai massage: knot kidding, relax now!
Dubai is a great place to get a massage, and there are so many options. Want a traditional Thai massage? No problem. How about a hot stone massage? Sure thing. And if you’re feeling really adventurous, you can even try a camel milk massage (yes, that’s a real thing).
Over the Eid weekend, we spent a day at a hotel, where I spotted a sign for a free 10-minute massage. With everything being so expensive at the moment, this seemed too good to miss – and even better, there was an appointment straight away.
I was expecting a relaxing experience. Little did I know what was in store for me!
The masseuse, from Thailand, started kneading my back muscles with all her might. At first, the pressure was just right, but within minutes it started to feel as though she was using her elbows and knees to dig into my muscles.
I began to feel a little uncomfortable, but didn’t want to offend her, so I gritted my teeth and tried to relax. Suddenly, she started cracking my back with a loud “pop” that echoed throughout the room.
Then, she proceeded to wrap her hands around my neck and twisted my head to the left with such force that I thought I was going to pop a vertebra.
I let out a yelp of surprise, which made the masseuse giggle. “Ooh, I don’t really like that,” I pretty much pleaded, realising her next move would surely be to twist my head sharply in the other direction.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any more torturous, she started using a wooden stick to massage my neck. I swear, it felt like she was using a drumstick to play a beat on my spine. I started laughing uncontrollably, and the therapist just chortled back and kept going.
I couldn’t help but wonder if I was on some hidden-camera prank show.
Finally, the massage was over, and I went back to join my family, rather relieved to have made it out of there without whiplash.
So it wasn’t exactly a magical unicorn ride through a rainbow of relaxation – and I can’t say if the massage actually did anything for my back or neck, but it sure did make me laugh. And really, isn’t laughter the best medicine?
Eid with the dog living her best life
On waking up it was eerily quiet, as non-school days always are. I lay in bed and thought about what to do for Eid. DH was in Australia; the teenagers were still sleeping. It would probably be hours before they woke up.
The dog raised her sleepy head, stretched then scampered over. “Hello Bella,” I greeted her, stroking her silly ears. “Fancy the beach today?”
I gave the boys until 10.30am then roused them. My unenthusiastic teenagers lay in their beds like bags of potatoes, looking about as excited about my beach idea as a snail on a salt shaker. You could offer them free tickets to a concert with their favourite band, and they’d probably just shrug and mumble something about it being “fine”. It’s like they’ve already reached their peak enthusiasm in life and it was during the brief period of time they were obsessed with Minecraft or Fortnite.
Urging myself not to feel hurt or rejected, as I must admit I commonly do, I told the dog we were off! She jumped into the car with glee and rode shotgun.
Dubai beaches are not known for being dog-friendly so we drove to another emirate, to the Kite Beach Centre, where it’s all much more relaxed and your furry best friend can join in on the fun and live their best beach life.
Visualise a picturesque beach where the surf is incredible, swings made of tree trunks are a stone’s throw away from the water, canoes are lined up on the sand, and two-story thatched beach huts offer a cozy place to relax while sipping fresh coconut water.
But this beach is not in Bali; it’s located in Umm Al Quwain, a small emirate that’s famous for its family resort, Barracuda. Kite Beach Centre is an ideal weekend retreat for beach lovers, where natural and rustic-style features, typically associated with Indonesian beaches, can be found.
The centre, primarily a kitesurfing school, has been a hit among UAE residents for providing mismatched sun loungers made from sturdy wood planks, which sit beneath traditional thatched beach umbrellas. Visitors can also rent a beach hut for the day, relax on up-cycled doors placed in the sand, or hire kayaks starting from Dhs75 per hour.
A variety of watersports lessons are also available, with kitesurfing and hydrofoiling classes priced at Dhs350 and surf lessons at Dhs100 per person in a group, Dhs150 each for two people, or Dhs200 for a private one-to-one class.
Fitness enthusiasts can enjoy an outdoor ‘Tarzan Gym’ made of wooden machinery while exercising on the sand, with personal training packages available for purchase.
Where else can you find a gym that makes you feel like a monkey while working out on the sand? It’s like Planet of the Apes meets Baywatch, but with less David Hasselhoff and more coconuts.
Beach huts can be rented for eight hours, priced at Dhs250 on weekdays and Dhs350 on weekends. You can also arrange a kayak tour through the mangroves, starting at Dhs160.
Kite Beach Centre Umm Al Quwain, open daily from 6 am to 10 pm, offers access to the beach for Dhs45 for adults and Dhs35 for children on weekdays, and Dhs75 for adults and Dhs45 for children on weekends and holidays (kids under five are always free). Pets are welcome for a fee of Dhs75 per pet.
Visit Kite Beach Centre website here
Things you SHOULDN’T say to someone after Ramadan
Along with knowing the ways to wish someone a happy Eid, including the use of “Eid Mubarak”, “Khair Mubarak”, “Eid Saeed” and “Jazak Allah Khair”, it’s also worth knowing what not to say.
You look like you’ve lost weight!
During the holy month in the Islamic calendar, Muslims observe a period of fasting from sunrise to sunset. They abstain from food and drink during daylight hours for a period of 29-30 days, depending on the lunar calendar.
While the practice of fasting is often associated with weight loss, the true purpose of Ramadan is much deeper. It is rooted in the Islamic belief in social justice and equality between rich and poor. The act of fasting is seen as a way to empathise with those who are less fortunate and to increase one’s own spirituality.
Bet you’re starving now!
Each individual’s experience of hunger or thirst during Ramadan is unique and personal to them, and is an essential part of their religious practice and journey.
Ramadan is not about starvation. Muslims do eat during the month of Ramadan, but only during specific hours of the day.
Making jokes about someone’s appetite at the end of Ramadan isn’t particularly helpful, accurate or humorous.
Happy Eid al-Adha
Sometimes people wish Muslims a happy Eid by saying “Happy Eid al-Adha.” However, this phrase is not accurate, as Eid al-Adha is a separate Islamic festival that is distinct from Eid al-Fitr.
This year, Eid al-Adha will take place between Wednesday, June 28th, 2023 and Sunday, July 2nd, 2023. This festival commemorates the story of Prophet Ibrahim’s willingness to sacrifice his son Ismail to God. According to the Quran, just as Prophet Ibrahim was about to carry out the sacrifice, God sent a ram to be sacrificed in place of his son.
Let’s go out for a drink to celebrate!
It should be pretty evident to most people that inviting someone celebrating Eid to go for a drink is not appropriate.
Practicing Muslims do not consume alcohol as it is considered harmful and is prohibited in Islam.
The Quran contains a verse that refers to intoxicants as ‘the work of Satan’, indicating the gravity of the matter in Islamic teachings.
There are plenty of other ways to celebrate with Muslims during Eid, such as sharing a meal or engaging in activities that do not involve booze, thereby showing respect and understanding for their traditions and beliefs, while still allowing for a joyous celebration.
Eid Mubarak – blessed festival
Eid in Dubai is a time of joy and celebration for the Muslim community.
The holiday, which marks the end of the month-long fasting period of Ramadan, is a time for family gatherings, feasting and giving back to the community.
In Dubai, Eid is celebrated with great enthusiasm and spirit. The festivities start with the sighting of the moon, which signals the end of Ramadan and the beginning of Eid. The announcement of the Eid holiday is made by the moon-sighting committee and is eagerly awaited by everyone.
On the first day of Eid, Muslims gather in mosques and open spaces for special prayers, called Eid al-Fitr prayer. The prayers are usually followed by a sermon by the imam, which focuses on the importance of forgiveness, gratitude and compassion. After the prayers, people exchange greetings (what to say – and what not to saying coming up!).
The rest of the day is spent in feasting and celebration with family and friends. Traditional dishes like biryani, kebabs and samosas are prepared and shared, and sweet treats like baklava and sheer khurma are served. Children receive gifts and money, and families often dress up in new clothes and visit each other’s homes to exchange gifts and good wishes.
Dubai also hosts a number of special events and activities during Eid, including fireworks displays, cultural performances and shopping festivals. The city’s malls and shopping centres offer huge discounts and promotions during the holiday, making it a popular time for shopping and retail therapy.
To express your well wishes to someone during Eid, the most common phrase used is “Eid Mubarak,” which translates to “Blessed Festival” or “Blessed Feast” in English. This phrase is often used by Muslims to greet their family and friends during the holiday.
In response to “Eid Mubarak,” it is considered polite to say “Khair Mubarak,” which translates to “Good Will” or “Good Wishes.”
Another way of wishing someone a happy Eid is to say “Eid Saeed” which means “Happy Eid” in Arabic.
Some people also use the phrase “Jazak Allah Khair” to celebrate the end of Ramadan, which translates to “May Allah reward you with goodness.” This is another way to express gratitude and well wishes to others during the holiday.