School run survival tips

The daily transfer of your offspring to school is not without its challenges, as every mum knows. Forewarned is forearmed, so if the long summer break has left you feeing a little rusty, here are my back-to-school tips and tricks:

– It might feel like the middle of the night, but get up with plenty of time to spare – this is your chance to get your own back on your sleeping children for all those early starts.

– Shovel on more make-up than you’ve worn all holiday, comb hair and pay special attention to your chosen outfit.

– Ensure school-sized sprogs are fed and have cleaned their teeth, without staining their uniform. Remember, the slightest trace of breakfast cereal or toothpaste will take on a luminous glow at the worst possible moment.

– Channel your inner drill sergeant to get the children out the door.

– Drive your seven-seater to within a hair’s breadth of the school gates, ramming other cars if necessary and double-parking if there’s no room. Just put your hazards on if you’re unsure and look busy, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

– Shepherd the children through the gates – remember, serenely does it. No shouting, or pushing. (You should probably practise gliding the night before.)

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– Don’t look too happy, or sad. Oversized sunglasses will hide any tears and inky mascara smudges, but a whoop of relief can’t be disguised.

– Have a story ready about the luxury, handmade yurt your family stayed in on holiday. (Yachts are so yesterday.)

– Try not to linger too long– you’re blocking several people in outside the gate, don’t forget, even your best friend.

– Watch the handbags-at-dawn fashionista mums go head-to-head on the school runway and vow to get up even earlier the next morning to wash hair.

– Put them to bed in their school uniforms that night.

Happy school runs everyone!

9 thoughts on “School run survival tips

  1. Linda Storey says:

    Love it, glad I can walk the five minutes to not have to take on board your car advice though!
    Right…9.05pm – had better go and sew in some labels ready for 8.45am tomorrow…why have I left this tiresome job to the last minute AGAIN?!

  2. Oh, I’m so glad we spent the elementary years in Arizona and Texas, where the boys either walked or rode the bus and gym attire for parents was de rigueur at the school gate or at the bus stop. The only people who were dressed and looking nice (usually dads) were on their way to work. The rest of us dressed like we were on our way for a long run or a trip to the gym (even if we weren’t!)

  3. This post made me laugh the whole time! “Put them to bed in their school uniforms at night” is what I love the most. I have another tip: try to learn a good up do to camouflage that greasy hair, and a messy up do will do as long as you have a nice pair of sunglasses to go with it.

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