“Right, to the table, please.”

“NOW.”

“It’s not YouTube time, it’s homework time. Well, how many more minutes are left? 20! No way, too many. Turn it off!”

“Please don’t throw your pencil.”

[Thinks to myself: Why is it so hard to get my son to just sit upright at the table, with his pencil poised and his books open in front of him. Why, oh why, does he insist on half sliding off his chair, and resting his forehead on the table, as if he were ill, then running off on unexplained missions as they occur to him?]

Cheers to mums everywhere, who put in much longer hours than 9-5 and end their days half-asleep on the sofa!

“Pyjamas on. Stop messing around! Just put them on.”

“Clothes in the bin please. NOT ON THE FLOOR! How many times do I have to tell you?

”Nooo! Be careful with the toothpaste. And brush them well. Longer than that.”

“Just one chapter tonight. No, you read it to me. Okay, deal – we’ll do one page each.”

“Are you sure you don’t need the toilet? Really? You must need to. C’mon, just try.”

“Right, lights out. I’ll stay for two minutes. That’s all. No, I can’t stay all night. Mummy’s tired [and needs to get downstairs for some Mummy juice]. Mwah. Night, night kiddos!”