Category Archives: Travel

Travel post: Winter get-aways with bells on

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Where do you dream of jetting off to this holiday season?

Dear Christmas, What the heck? It’s not your turn yet. Sincerely, Thanksgiving. But even so, as the temperature falls, and the number of tourists flocking to the UAE swells, it’s time to start thinking about our own travel plans for the upcoming holiday season.

December is one of my favourite months in the UAE – sailor-blue skies, cool evenings and warm days, with plenty of festive fun around for the children. What’s not to love? But the holiday season is also a time when many people choose to travel, either to see family elsewhere in the world, or to spend quality time together during the school holidays.

If you haven’t already, now is your window to book, before airfares skyrocket, and that means letting your mind wander. Fancy spending the festive season sunning yourself on a beach in Mexico, snorkelling in Indonesia, or strolling around Christmas markets in Germany? Why, yes please!
 Here’s some ideas, with the all-important low-down on the local weather conditions. Happy daydreaming – and may your dreams turn into plans.

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This island paradise is a world away from the hectic pace of South Bali

Nusa Lembongan, Bali, Indonesia: Still relatively unknown, Nusa Lembongan is a small island off the southeast coast of Bali. With a drier climate than the main island of Bali (until January, when the rainy season begins), Nusa Lembongan offers adventure in the form of aqua blue surf, perfect for surfing, drift diving and snorkelling. You’ll also find tranquil sandy beaches, coastal paths for exploring the island on foot, mangrove forests and seaweed farms. For those who like sweet treats, cookies are a must at Christmas in Indonesia.

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Offering abundant diving opportunities, the Red Sea is an extension of the Indian Ocean

Aqaba, Jordan: Famous for its warm sea, stunning beaches and watersports, Aqaba is Jordan’s only coastal city. Explore the underwater world of the Red Sea, or kick-back on the beach and enjoy the winter climate (the temperature reaches highs of 27 and 22 degrees celsius in November and December respectively).

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Many people in Musoma fish Nile perch from the lake

Musoma, Tanzania: After the summer rains have watered the grass, a trip to the national parks of Tanzania promises a lush visual feast in peaceful surroundings. Stay in Musoma, the capital of the Mara region, which sits on the edge of Lake Victoria and is just a drive away from the Serengeti National Park – home to lions, elephants and buffalo, to name just a few. While the likelihood of rainfall in the winter months is high, average temperatures reach 28 degrees celsius in November, December and January.

Edinburgh ice rink in East Princes Street Gardens on Christmas Eve

Edinburgh ice rink in East Princes Street Gardens on Christmas Eve

Edinburgh, United Kingdom: Scotland’s capital city holds a traditional German Christmas market from the end of November until Christmas Eve, filled with festive treats. If you’re looking for a colder climate – temperatures average at a chilly seven degrees celsius – Edinburgh is the perfect yuletide destination, with spectacular decorations, ice-skating rinks, Christmas trees and a real life advent calendar bringing the city to life. There’s also a children’s market and family friendly amusement rides.

Livingstone is Zambia's gateway to the magnificent Victoria Falls, considered to be one of the seven natural wonders of the world

Livingstone is Zambia’s gateway to the magnificent Victoria Falls, considered to be one of the seven natural wonders of the world

Livingstone, Zambia: If you’re looking to escape all the usual traditions this holiday season, get away from it all by taking a trip to the Zambezi River and experiencing the awe-inspiring Victoria Falls. As well as this stunning waterfall, known as the Smoke that Thunders, Livingstone offers wildlife safaris, museums, colonial architecture and an insight into traditional village life in Zambia.

Cartagena de Indias is the undisputed queen of the Caribbean coast

Cartagena de Indias is the undisputed queen of the Caribbean coast

Cartagena, Colombia: Christmas in Latin America is known as Las Posadas, Navidad and Dia de los Tres Reyes, and is celebrated with flowers, songs and festive foods. Travel to Cartagena de Indias, a beautiful, colourful city on the Caribbean coast, and celebrate in the stunning old town. Roam along the cobbled streets of this Unesco World Heritage site and take in the lights of the festive decorations while enjoying the hot climate (temperatures average 31 degrees celsius in December).

Green, tree-covered hills surround the beautiful medieval town of Heidelberg Germany

Tree-covered hills surround the medieval town of Heidelberg

Heidelberg, Germany: Another breath-taking winter destination, you’ll need your hats and scarves for this one. With temperatures scraping only five degrees on average, Heidelberg is perfect for those looking for colder climates. Located in the state of Baden-Württemberg in southwest Germany, Heidelberg is home to a 30-year-old traditional German Christmas market, with stunning illuminations, an ice rink and more than 140 individual stalls. Enjoy the romantic, picturesque landscape of Heidelberg by strolling through the baroque-style old town, and taking in the views from Heidelberg Castle.

Thanks to Lamudi, the leading property website focusing on the emerging markets, for these great suggestions!

Travel post: Redefining the Scenic Route

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Perched high above the Shenandoah Valley, in America’s dreamy Blue Ridge Mountains, Skyline Drive offers impressive views at every bend, with plenty of outdoorsy activities along the way.
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If there’s one thing Son2 is scared of it’s bears. So you can imagine that a little teasing went on this summer, when we visited Virginia’s Shenandoah National Park, for the much-needed relaxing part of our US trip.

And, quite honestly, I could have moved into the mountain cabin we rented and embarked on a new career as a park ranger, wandering around the forests and hollows of the vast, almost whimsical park. According to local lore, Shenandoah was named for a Native American word meaning ‘Daughter of the Stars.’ Whether or not this is true, there’s no doubt it’s one of the prettiest places in the US.

Shenandoah National Park’s scenic roadway, Skyline Drive, follows the crest of the Blue Ridge Mountains for 105 miles, and it was this main artery that we intended to drive. Slowly. The speed limit is 35 mph, and people stick to it. Shaking off our UAE driving habits, we rolled down the windows, felt the breeze and experienced every curve and turn of the spectacular drive.

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Rock climbers: Life on the edge

Along the route, there are 75 overlooks offering stunning views of the Shenandoah Valley to the west or the rolling hills of the Piedmont to the east. Each stop is a visual feast, and beckons you to park. Mountaintops have always appealed to me, and to see as far as the eye allows (not to mention witness rock climbers bravely hanging off the cliff-edges) is an awe-inspiring and humbling experience all at once.

The park staff deliberately leave the roadsides unmowed so wildflowers put on a show all year long. June’s display of azaleas is said to be spectacular, and cardinal flowers, black-eyed Susans and goldenrod keep the colour blooming right into autumn.

We visited in summer, when the ridge wears its mantle of deep greens. Birds were nesting, and we kept our eyes open for the resident wildlife, including deer, black bear, wild turkey and a host of other woodland animals that call Shenandoah home and regularly cross Skyline Drive in their daily travels (hence the low speed limit).

We were also told to look out for white-tailed deer fawns and bear cubs, which can be spotted in summer as they investigate their leafy environment. Although much to Son2’s relief, the bears stayed away.

Road to the top
Easily accessible from Washington DC, Skyline Drive was built by President Franklin Roosevelt’s three million-strong ‘Tree Army’ of unemployed young men during the Great Depression of the 1930s, and is today traversed by RVs, camping trailers, horse trailers and daytrippers, as well as holidaymakers such as ourselves looking for easy hiking trails to do with our boys (there are more than 500 miles of trails to choose from in total, catering to all standards).

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Luray Caverns: My big boy and moi (being careful not to stand underneath those pointy stalactites)

If we’re lucky enough to visit again, I’d choose autumn, to see the brilliant fall leaves as Virginia’s mountains turn a kaleidoscope of colours and migratory birds fly southwards down the ridge. Or maybe I’d pick winter, to view the frozen sculptures created by tumbling waterfalls.

Other than a couple of short hikes, we unfortunately didn’t have time to partake in any fishing, horseback riding or canoeing, but we did spend a day at the town of Luray, famous for its world-class caverns. Containing amazing natural formations, such as the ‘Throne Room’, ‘Giant’s Hall’, and ‘Fried Eggs’, the caverns are breathtaking. After all those fabulous bird’s-eye views, I highly recommend going underground – not least because you hear the sound of a ‘Stalacpipe Organ’, hyped as the biggest musical instrument in the world. Beat that Dubai!

The forest cabin with a view: Complete with fairies and woodland sprites at the bottom of the garden

The forest cabin with a stunning view from the two-storey deck at the back: Complete with fairies and woodland sprites at the bottom of the garden (to keep an eye on the boys!)

Frequently asked questions

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“Your ticket is upgradable,” the nice lady at the check-in informed me. “Do you wish to upgrade?”

“Thank you, but no,” I replied, shaking my head (thinking yes, YES please. Do I want to upgrade? Of course I do! Who wouldn’t?)

But, no matter how tempted I was by the free-flowing wine, champers, gourmet cuisine, canapés, flat-bed and acres of legroom on offer in the A380’s upper deck, it was never going to happen. There was no upgrade for the boys, and they’re too young to sit by themselves (there’s always next year!).

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Bye, bye England! (s0b)

So, instead, I leapt on Son2’s conversational freight train for the 7-hour journey from London to Dubai:

“Mummy, what country are we flying over? What’s the smallest country, Mummy? … Is Dubai bigger than England? … Are we in space? If we’re not in space, is the upstairs in space? When are we there?” …

[The moment my eyes closed] MUMMY! WHEN.are.we.THERE? [Bringing me back to earth, or at least 37,000 feet above it, in a snap.] Is it nighttime in Dubai? I’m hungry Mummy! (Me: “They just served you a kids’ meal, and you didn’t want it!’ said through gritted teeth.) Is there wifi? Can I watch YouTube? How fast is the wind, Mummy? Is England still bigger than Dubai?”

Until I could see his mouth moving, but couldn’t really hear what he was saying and could do nothing but nod at whatever his moving lips were trying to assault me with.

Whereas Son1 plugged himself into the in-flight entertainment and watched back-to-back movies, with a couple of iPad breaks. Oh the difference being nearly three years older makes.

I do like to be beside the seaside!

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Which beach would you rather be on? Here’s a clue: the rocky one on the left is buffeted by a fierce wind, and strewn with seaweed. The one on the right is lapped by the aquamarine waters of the Gulf, with an ambient temperature at least 20 degrees higher.
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Ask my sand-phobic children which beach they prefer, and they’ll say the one on the left: the Great British Seaside (I know!).

Actually, I’m rather fond of it too (for a day or so each year). There’s something about the bleak weather, the stony terrain, the ice-cream sellers – and the fact you need to wear a jumper, a fleece and the beach rug to keep warm – that’s rather refreshing after the high temperatures of the UAE summer.

Today, everything was just as it should be on the English Riviera: the weather was challenging; the seaweed was stringy and the sea was playful, with crashing rollers and white frothy surf.

We enjoyed 15 minutes of determined sandcastle-building before a fast-moving high tide swallowed up our patch of sand with ravenous greed (the effect of the supermoon, perhaps), and spent a pleasant hour wandering around the seaside mecca that is Littlehampton.

But the thing that sticks in my mind isn’t the windburn, the shingle, my win on the two-penny slot machines, or my boys’ love of rocky, cold beaches over the white sands of Dubai. Nor is it the discovery that crazy snooker is now cooler than crazy golf. Or the reminder that seeing happy, hairy dogs diving headlong into the waves is great fun (public beaches are off limits to dogs in Dubai).

No, the thing I’ll remember is this row of beach huts. Price tag: £12,500 each.

Quite possibly the most expensive garden shed money can buy

Prime real estate: At AED76,650 (or more than $20,000) a hut, these are quite possibly the most expensive garden sheds money can buy

Family vacations: Are you having fun yet?

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Many of us are travelling with a shouty entourage this summer and, if you’re anything like me, you’ll know there’s an initiation parents must go through before you can honestly say family holidays no longer leave you feeling winded.

Here’s my five-step, tongue-in-cheek guide to achieving holiday zen:

Dream on

Dream on

1-2 years [with a health warning]: While friends with older children sip cocktails and watch the sunset, your toddler has more energy than an atomic explosion. He scales the furniture and hurtles round your holiday home like a hurricane (anything breakable, you’ve already moved higher, or hidden – it was either that or develop such a shrill tone through continually shrieking ‘Don’t touch that” that it doesn’t even sound like you). Relaxing is inconceivable so you’re out and about every.single.day, which means, between your (early) morning latte and lights out, you save his life at least five times. Think of holidays with 1-2 year olds as paying to lead your normal life in a less convenient location.

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“Muuuuuum, MUMMY, where are yoooouuuu?”

2-3 years: By now, there’s a sibling on the scene and travelling with two constitutes a whole new level of pain. Expect nightly games of musical beds and heated debates over who slept the less. Do be careful not to let your guard down: your 2-year-old will be irresistibly drawn to dirt, puddles and dog poo, like bees are to honey. (Remember to bring several changes of clothes per day for each family member – expiry through laundry overload isn’t covered by travel insurance.)

3-4 years: Continually ravenous / thirsty / hot / cold / bickering / or in sudden need of the loo, your children are a zillion times more demanding than your most attention-seeking work colleagues, yet on Facebook it’s all smiley faces in front of stunning backdrops. You’ve tried holidaying with friends so the kids can play together while the adults drink wine, but the downside is you can no longer claim their bad behaviour is a temporary blip when it lasts all week long. You’ve also discovered you can take your children to the best zoos and wildlife parks and introduce them to all manner of cute animals, but they’ll never be as happy as when you discover cockroaches in the kitchen.

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The heaven, hell and humour of family holidays is the new normal

4-5 years: By now, you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that holidays aren’t what they used to be, and you’ve learnt how to hit the ground running. On arriving in an unfamiliar environment, you can find the supermarket, buy essentials and whip up a supper for four. Hell, you can even cook fish fingers in an Aga. And with the letting go of any notions of late-nights, lazy days reading and uninterrupted sunbathing (pre-child holiday memories that might as well have taken place in Ancient Rome – because there’s no going back) comes the realisation that family vacations can be fun, especially if there’s a kids’ club.

Don’t think family holidays will now be a breeze. It’s not that relaxing is bottom of your children’s priority list. It’s not even on it

Don’t think family holidays will now be a breeze. It’s not that relaxing is bottom of your children’s priority list. It’s not even on it

5-6 years: Showing your offspring new things, new places and new horizons is not only rewarding, it’s like putting a down payment on developing citizens of the world. On good days, your rosie-cheeked kiddos slip little hands in yours, and swing happily on the farm gate. On bad days, there’s always electronic stimulation to fall back on. Life-long memories are made, bonds are strengthened. Your children become your ambassadors, opening doors to new experiences and conversations. While they race their new Italian friends around the Campo in Siena, you can actually enjoy your Campari. As the years roll by, you look back at holiday snaps of your babies with rose-tinted specs on, and marvel at those precious, crazy moments captured in time.

Happy holidays everyone!

The emergency landing

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“Is there a doctor on board?” They’re words you hope never to hear when you’re hurtling through the air 35,000 feet up, but hear them we did on our 13-hour flight to the US from Dubai earlier this summer.

At the point at which a decision had to made whether the airplane would traverse the Atlantic or not, the captain spoke over the intercom to tell us that a passenger was seriously ill (suspected heart attack) and we’d be landing at Manchester airport as soon as possible.

On a beautiful, almost cloudless morning in England, the plane swooped towards the Earth, turning full circles in the sky as it jettisoned fuel. On reaching the correct weight, we were vectored straight in for a priority landing, then trundled along taxi-ways to an ambulance waiting on the tarmac.

A medical drama it was (and my heart went out to the poor lady travelling alone, on oxygen, and being cared for by the doctor who’d stepped forward, a team of specialists in Arizona via a satellite medlink and flight attendants). The paramedics on the ground, who must have seen it all, were chatting to each other calmly as they waited for the steps to be maneuvered into place. Finally, the aircraft door was opened and they boarded the plane with their equipment and a George Clooney-esque air.

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All in a day’s work

It was all very surreal – one minute you’re in a sealed tube skimming the upper atmosphere, plugged into the in-flight entertainment and wondering when the next meal is. The next there’s a sort of grave hushed silence as the plane diverts and is met on the ground with flashing lights and medical personnel.

I never did find out whether she was okay, although I was heartened to hear from DH that the medical facilities at Manchester airport are excellent.

Imagine if we’d been flying over the Pacific, or some other desolate part of the world.

Sixteen hours after leaving Dubai, we reached the East Coast of America (refuelling and paperwork took ages to complete, and, no, you’re not allowed off). Understandably enough, everyone was massively relieved to finally disembark the plane – while at the same time hoping the poor fellow passenger we’d left behind (thousands of miles away from her home) was making a recovery.

Kudos to everyone who acted so proficiently during this life-saving mission – and may your flights back home this summer be uneventful!

11 things no child says on holiday, EVER

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“These swimming goggles are a perfect fit.”

“I’ll just stand still while you apply the sun cream.”

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“Five minutes until dinner, kids, and you can use my coffee cup to shovel sand”

“Let’s not bother Mum right now, she’s reading.”

“Just one ice-cream a day is fine, thank you!”

“Can’t we just squeeze in one more medieval church?”

“You’re right Mum, I am tired. I’ll think I’ll go to bed even though it’s still light outside.”

“What a lovely view! Shall we walk a bit further?”

“You go and lie down over there, Mum, and play Candy Crush for an hour.”

“I don’t really feel like the gift shop today – let’s just go home.”

“Mum, I’m still sleepy. Let’s sleep in.”

“I started it!”

 

Travel post: The District

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With its wide-open avenues, front porches, old neighbourhoods and views of the Potomac River, Washington DC is a city in which you can see the expansive sky – and feel the pulse of power

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July 4th in DC: Waiting for the parade to start

When direct flights from the UAE to Washington DC were announced, we put the US capital on our radar. Formally the District of Columbia, DC is a city familiar to anyone who watches the news, or at least ‘West Wing’, and has fascinated me since my teenage years.

When I first visited, more than 20 years ago, I touched down at Dulles International just as a snowstorm was hitting the East Coast. My American boyfriend (now DH) picked me up in the near white-out conditions and navigated the slippery, traffic-choked roads back to the Watergate building – a journey I’d later find out was his first solo drive.

This time, we arrived with our two boys in tow, in the middle of summer. A heat advisory on the first day saw us steering the children off the National Mall (not a UAE-style shopping mall, but the strip of green space between the Washington Monument and the Capitol building) before they melted and into the wonderful Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum (more on this later).

The temperature continued to nudge the mid-90s for much of our visit, but whatever the season, the effect DC has on visitors is the same: the epicentre of power, and the city in which the machines of politics grind, Washington is memorable due to its boulevards, elegant buildings and knock-out symbols of US rule.

Designed by a Parisian, the version of the capital you see – comprising marble, museums and historic monuments – may stand in stark contrast to the run-down urban parts you don’t see, but you can’t fail to appreciate the grandeur and prettiness of DC’s heart.

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Segways: Now THAT’s the way to tour a city

Washington DC is also the only American city that does not allow skyscrapers, and its grid system layout means it’s both fairly easy to navigate and accessible. Determined to find the White House (left), we parked nearby and walked a few blocks until we stumbled upon it.

From a distance, I even had to look twice to be sure I was admiring the right home: The White House may host the President, but it’s not huge or shouty in itself. Closer inspection revealed it to be a rather lovely white residence, surrounded by green, manicured lawn and dwarfed by the US Treasury next door.

That’s the other thing I love about DC: take a stroll through Foggy Bottom or downtown, and you practically trip over national headquarters. To your left, the US Chamber of Commerce. On your right, the Labor Department and FBI Building. (Although our boys, of course, were more interested in the police patrolling high-security areas, especially the snipers on the roof of the White House.)

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The Reflecting Pool: Lined by walking paths and trees on both sides

Sights to see
At 170 metres high, and with no taller buildings to obscure the view, the Washington Monument (right) is visible from miles around. Erected in honor of George Washington, the American Revolutionary War commander and first US president, the iconic marble obelisk recently reopened after three years of repairs to fix cracks sustained during a rare 5.8-magnitude earthquake in August 2011.

We’d hoped to take the elevator ride to the summit, but alas, arrived too late in the day to get tickets (book online so you don’t miss out – the views are meant to be amazing).

Instead, we gazed up to take in the towering obelisk’s austere, white outline. Set against a bright-blue sky, the building seemed to be standing proud, resolute after its facelift. At its base, it’s encircled by 50 American flags (one for each state), and you can’t help but admire its simplicity.

We then walked the length of the famous Reflecting Pool – which dramatically mirrors the pointing monument – and paused for a while at the National World War II Memorial, a moving, grand-scale tribute with stone architecture and fountains.

Our last stop was the Lincoln Memorial, immediately recognisable as the building depicted on pennies and five-dollar bills. Its marble halls, engraved with Abraham Lincoln’s most impressive speeches, resonate with significance even before you see his larger-than-life sculpture, staring pensively towards the Capitol.

World-renowned museums: DC treats visitors to more than two dozen free museums. With limited time, we only managed to squeeze in the National Air and Space Museum on the National Mall, and its companion facility in Virginia (pictured), by Dulles airport, where you can see Concorde and the space shuttle Discovery. Next time, I’m pretty sure my boys would enjoy the Crime Museum and the hugely popular International Spy Museum.

World-renowned museums: DC treats visitors to more than two dozen free museums. With limited time, we only managed to squeeze in the National Air and Space Museum on the National Mall, and its companion facility in Virginia by Dulles airport (pictured), where you can see Concorde and the space shuttle Discovery. Next time, I’m pretty sure my boys would enjoy the Crime Museum and the hugely popular International Spy Museum, but not before I’ve marched them around the National Gallery of Art and Sculpture Garden as revenge.

Flying with kids: The bad and the worse

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Like many expat mums the world over, I’m currently on our annual pilgrimage to the motherland, to reintroduce our children to their grandparents, grassy fields and Wellington boots.

Most expat kids are frequent flyers, but I think it’s the hollow-eyed, jet-lagged mums – many of whom have to travel long distances with their overactive offspring solo – who deserve recognition for ensuring that everyone arrives intact.

“Please…help….me….”

“Please…help….me….”

Now that my two are older, flying with them is so much easier, but I haven’t forgotten what trial by two-year-old is like at 37,000 feet. During the 22 hours of flight time we’ve clocked up over the past two weeks, I turned my thoughts to the various stages mums go through when taking their little ones back and forth to see family. Without much further ado, here’s my tongue-in-cheek take on the eight steps mothers desperately seeking serenity on board must navigate:

Sky cot: Hands-free flying

Sky cot: Hands-free flying

0-8 months:
Provided your baby doesn’t cry like a banshee due to earache or colic, you’re relieved to discover that small infants are essentially hand luggage, and can be stored in a wall-mounted bassinet – meaning, in between feeds, you’re left with plenty of hands-free time for other, adult-related pursuits. Enjoy it. Indulge in a glass or two (while you can). This phase is over quicker than you can say pass the earplugs.

9 months – 2 years:
Now mobile, your infant is classed as a lap child, a burdensome phase that sees the two of you co-joined like Siamese twins and squashed into one seat. Once sleep finally arrives (for your 30lb lead-weight bundle of joy, at least), you find yourself sitting statue-esqe – and needing the loo – as you attempt to inhale a meal and not flinch an inch in case the slightest movement rouses your child.

2-2½ years:
Your toddler has progressed to a seat, but the games, toys and books you’ve spent days collecting are dispensed with in minutes. Fun is sought in mischievous ways: Meal tray up/tray down. Light on/light off. Window shutter open/shutter closed. Call the flight attendant. Call the flight attendant again. When all the un-dinging you have to do gets too much, you traipse up and down the aisle – jolting several unsuspecting passengers awake as you go – or visit the bathroom together, where double-jointedness is always a plus when assisting your offspring.
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2½-3 years:
You’ve reached that murky zone where diversionary tactics are all that stand between you and a mile-high meltdown. Tantrums occur due to the most innocuous of reasons: not being allowed to bring the stroller up the aisle; the seat belt sign coming on. No other passenger makes eye contact – not even the smug mother of two crayon-loving girls opposite.

3-3½ years:
By now, you’re travelling with two small children – a whole new world of in-flight angst – which means that if you’re on your own, losing your oldest at the airport or on board must be avoided (if you have more than two, good luck with that). After collecting all the luggage at the other end, you feel like hugging the kind lady who, on seeing that you don’t have a seventh arm to push the stroller, offers to help.

3½-4 years:
Someone’s told you stickers are great for keeping children entertained on board, so you’re armed with sticker books. But while in the toilet, your kids stick them all over the TV. Bad idea: the heat from the screen can turn the adhesive into superglue. Imagining the entire aircraft being decommissioned while engineers scrape Lightening McQueen and his friends off 35F’s TV, you start peeling and don’t stop until there isn’t a single trace of sticker left. A happy coincidence is it uses up a good 20 minutes of flight time.

Happy travel days await (honestly)

Happy travel days await (honestly)

4-5 years
An iPad loaded with games is your saviour and, whilst still arriving disheveled and decorated with orange juice stains, you realise you had more time to relax on board, and even watched half a movie. A basic aviation knowledge – so as to answer questions like How does the wind move? – is extremely useful during this stage.

5 years+
You’ve made it. Long flights with small children no longer fill you with terror. While queuing at security, you see a mum with a seven-month-old infant struggling with all her baby paraphernalia, juggling her little one, taking her belt and shoes off, then, at the other side of the x-ray machine, pulling it all together again like a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle, and you feel like punching the air with joy that you’ve left the aforementioned stages well and truly behind. Well done, you’ve arrived!

Sponsored by: My own personal experiences. Every.single.example.