Starsky & Hutch security

For the most part, the compound in which we live is a quiet place.

Apart from occasional activity at the nearby airbase (oh, and the ear-splitting sound of the Russian cargo planes that buzz us nearly every night), there’s definitely an air of calm about our community.

Located out of the city, in a vast expanse of never-ending desert, it feels very safe, family-friendly and removed from the hustle and bustle of Dubai.

The security guards who work here don’t exactly have a hard job. They man the entrance, waving in anyone who looks like an expat, and are seen walking round the compound looking for trouble – of which there’s usually none.

Their biggest excitement took place a couple of weeks ago, when the perpetrator of one of the few petty crimes to have been committed out here was busted. A housemaid, most likely from an impoverished background, allegedly stole a bicycle, somehow chopped it up into pieces and tried to get it out of the compound in a truck.

She was caught in the act and security swooped in Starsky and Hutch style. The police were called and sped into our community at break-neck speed, their lights flashing and a whirl of dust in their wake.

I honestly thought someone must have been shot in an expat gin-fueled domestic bust-up, the police officers moved so fast.

You see, a stolen bicycle is about as exciting as it gets if you’re a security guard working out here – which probably explains why they have to find things to do to keep themselves busy.

Like ambling around checking on parked cars.

My next-door neighbour left her vehicle parked in front of her villa, with the windows down, for an hour yesterday and discovered this note on the car.

In case you can’t read it, it (very politely) says, “Pls close your vehicle window glasses properly. Thank you”.

How I wish I had THAT MUCH time on my hands – but my favourite is number 3.

“……………….is leaking from your car and spoiling the appearance of the parking area.”

One can only imagine what they’ll come up with to fill in the blank.

Halloween in the desert

Halloween is HUGE in our compound. It started on October 1 with spooky decorations on a few doorsteps, gathered pace as more households draped cobwebs over the bushes and strung up witches, and culminated last night with our community’s collective descent into trick-or-treatery.

To say the children were very excited is an understatement, and having lived in the States for five years, I can honestly say ‘we do’ Halloween* [whispers: I love this holiday! The children will gorge on bucketfuls of candy, I’ll help myself to copious amounts too – and that’s okay!]

Ready to scare: My littlest skeleton

The kids were dressed and ready by 4pm for a Halloween party next door, then, as night fell, we joined the droves of children outside and trooped from door-to-door under a full moon.

And, I have to say, as I accompanied my two skeletons on a balmy evening around streets aglow with jack-o-lanterns, I was really impressed by the wickedness some of our neighbours had dreamt up.

Not everyone takes part (and the rule is you don’t knock at villas with no porch light on), but many families who did get into the spirit had turned their doorsteps into mini Halloween dens – complete with scary sound effects and fiery torches in some cases.

A few highlights for us were:

– The household with the distressed maiden upstairs who dropped water bombs from the window – with a deathly scream

– The wobbly eyeballs (made from jelly and icing sugar) that were handed out in paper cups and made me whimper

– The dog dressed in a skull-and-crossbone outfit

– The drive-by trick-or-treaters sitting in a six-foot trailer pulled by a quad bike

– The ghoul standing in the dark who honestly looked like he could be fake, but then jumped out on me with an axe [insert horror movie screech]

– And the flying witch rigged up high above G street

* It took a couple of years in the US before I got it. Whilst still a learner, I sat at work one Halloween until 5, wondering why everyone was leaving early. Missed a trick there!

Best-dressed dad: We’d only got about 50 yards or so up our road when my friend informed me: “Just to warn you, all the kids are coming away from that house crying!” Our curiosity piqued, we nudged the kids in that direction, told them to be brave and watched (because after someone’s told you that, you can’t walk away without finding out why, can you?). Lurking in the shadows by their front door was the dad, dressed as a four-legged, long-haired monster, and as the trick-or-treaters filed up the path to line up at the door (yes, line up, there were that many out last night), he’d lurch forwards with a growl. Gotta love the crazy things people do on Halloween!