Boney M takes Dubai by storm

“So you want to go back in time? Back to a time of no responsibilities. No bills. No kids!”

The words rang out across the clear, moonlit night. Retro images of Doc Martens and grungy fashion flashed brightly on the big screens and you could almost hear the audience of 30- and 40-somethings collectively reply: “Yes, yes, take us back!

“If you came looking for THIS, we truly apologise,” the voiceover continued.

A picture of Justin Bieber appeared on the screen and as the crowd, children of the 70s, 80s and 90s, roared with laughter, his face was crossed out with a big X. Cue more cheering and a cartoon skit, showing the troubled teen singer brawling with Peter from Family Guy.

Nothing personal Justin (our eight-year-olds still adore you), but this was our night to enjoy 90s vintage dance-pop, performed at Dubai’s second MiXTAPE Rewind concert by the likes of N-Trance, Vengaboys, Snap!, Dr Alban and the famed 70s band Boney M (bring it on!).

cassette-tape-and-pencilThe huge screen at Emirates Golf Club then flashed up a picture of a cassette, conjuring up memories of teenage mix tapes, middle-school crushes and recording the Top 40 off Radio 1 in your bedroom. And the scene was set for an amazing night of feel-good dance beats, topped off with wigs, punk mohawks and neon dresses among the enthralled audience.

Snap! romped their way through 90s hits such as Rhythm is a Dancer and The Power, then Dr Alban (remember him? The Nigerian-born dentist) proved that his 1992 dance floor anthem It’s My Life could still rock a city. So much so that he played it twice.

Boney M: The original line up. DH missed out!

Boney M: The original line up. A travesty that DH missed out!

N-Trance kept the crowd moving with an energetic performance and while I’d loved every single performer so far, it was the next band that had really piqued my interest.

Yes, Boney M. Except DH had barely heard of them.

To me, they symbolise classic tracks such as Daddy Cool, Brown Girl in the Ring and Rivers of Babylon (don’t even get me started on the Christmas hits). But it turns out they weren’t big in the US at all. DH’s music memories are Boneyless.

I wasn’t disappointed – led by the sole surviving band member Maizie Williams, who still has an amazing voice at the age of 62, the reconfigured group performed all my favourite super duper hits. I even caught DH swaying in time to their ode to the Russian mystic and best piece of disco cheese ever: Ra Ra Rasputin!

Boney M was a hard act to follow, but Vengaboys did so in pure Eurotrash style, proving that snappy, bubblegum pop songs sound brilliant when the retro vibe kicks in.

After racing their way through hits such as We’re Going to Ibiza and Boom Boom Boom Boom, the glitzily dressed Dutch group launched into a song that reminded me I wasn’t actually at a 90s disco, or in my teenage bedroom, but was standing outdoors without a coat in January 2014 in a Middle East city.

Sex on the Beach

Ibiza would probably be a better bet.

A walk down bad-fashion memory lane

You’re going to think I’m a bit of a raver (which I’m not really), but at the weekend I went to my second concert in just over a week – this time, rewinding back yet another decade, all the way to the ’80s.

If you don’t remember the ’80s – and plenty of the girls at work claim not to (“It’s not my era,” said one PA, clearly born in about 1992) – it was a time when we thought stone-washed jeans, leg warmers, big hair and shoulder pads were seriously cool. I’m sure I recall sitting in the bath with my drainpipe jeans on, convinced this would shrink them even more.

Ah, remember the look? The pink-mesh leggings, pearl beads and fingerless gloves. Or best forgotten?

Ah, remember the look? The pink-mesh leggings, pearl beads and fingerless gloves. Or best forgotten?

But, among my friends and work colleagues, there are also those who, like me, remember the decade very well – and so we found ourselves hunting around online for discounted tickets to the ’80s concert (at 295dhs – £53 – a pop for the ‘pleb pit’, and 495dhs – £89 – for the golden circle, entrance wasn’t cheap).

After The Stone Roses the week before, it was a hard act to follow. The Stone Roses were proper Manchester cool, and you just couldn’t help but rock out under the stars. The 80s festival – featuring T’Pau, Heaven 17, ABC, Howard Jones and, ahem, Rick Astley – had a totally different, retro feel and, yes, there were people dressed up, in pink wigs and bad clothes.

DH dropped me off (flying later that night gave him a good excuse), and feeling a bit like the time traveller’s wife, I prepared myself to make the leap from the indie-filled ‘90s to the naff ‘80s.

I wasn’t disappointed. Years ago, I went to see T’Pau at Hammersmith arena and Carol Decker came on, coughed, and croaked: “I’ve got laryngitis, I can’t sing!’ We were all left in stunned silence as she ran off the stage and the lights came on (she did reschedule). This time around, she was a sweetheart, with a powerful voice that hit the high notes.

“Who lives in Dubai and who’s on holiday?” the flame-haired singer asked the audience (I swear she could pass for Sarah Ferguson). The response overwhelmingly suggested we were a bunch of (40-something) expats on the razzle. “No point plugging my UK dates then,” she conceded, before launching into China in Your Hand.

But the highlights for me – together with the dodgy lyrics on the ‘Lucky Voice’ karaoke we had to do – were Heaven 17’s rendition of Temptation and synth-pop trailblazer Howard Jones. In command of the keyboards (with an Apple Mac laptop perched on top, in case you’d forgotten what decade we were actually in), his songs really resonated.

So I did take a photo of Rick, before slinking out to the taxi tank

So I did take a photo of Rick, before slinking out to the taxi rank. “Give me a wiggle to remember on the plane home,” he said, cheekily. Moi?!!

I have to admit, I was never a Rick Astley fan, and couldn’t quite understand why everyone was so excited when he came on stage, with the words: “Get down, housewives!” I actually had to leave at this point, as once again DH was departing just after midnight, but I could see that you’d be forgiven for thinking he was singing directly at you.

And that, I realised, is the beauty of seeing bands in Dubai. It’s all on a much smaller-scale than in the UK or US, and so you feel very close to the stage and the acts themselves. Better still, you might even find yourself standing next to your favourite singer.

At The Stone Roses, Liam Gallagher, of Beady Eye, and Chris Martin, from Cold Play, were watching. A star-struck friend, just inches away from their VIP box, told me people were trying to take photos, and the singers’ kids helped by grabbing fans’ phones and taking close-ups of their dads.

Beat that, London’s O2 Arena, for letting the audience get up close and personal with super-star rockers. And as for the Dubai Rewind, if the number of teased-out mullets and muffin tops squeezed into spandex mini skirts was anything to go by, the night was a huge – and hilarious – success.