What a coronation it was! The pomp, the circumstance, the historical significance, the bird’s eye view of the Abbey, and of course, the mandatory fancy hats (“I’ve got that hat,” my mum exclaimed on seeing European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen arrive)! From my pew in my parents’ house, where I was glued to the telly, here’s my take on the best bits of King Charles’s coronation.
1. The coronation ceremony involved the presentation of various symbolic items to the monarch, including the Bracelets of Sincerity and Wisdom, the Sovereign’s Orb, the Ring of Kingly Dignity, and the Rod of Equity and Mercy. You couldn’t make this stuff up! Imagine the fantasy novel King Charles could now write with that damn inky pen (not that he’ll have time – he was back to his day job straight after the bank holiday Monday).
2. With the addition of a long shimmering gold dressing gown called the Supertunica and what appeared to be the Oven Glove of God, the whole affair started to feel like a game of Double or Drop on Crackerjack, where participants had to hold an ever-increasing number of prizes and vegetables until their arms could no longer take the strain, and everything tumbled to the ground.
3. Not that we could see it, as this bit was censored by screens to block the scene from onlookers, but the new monarch was anointed with chrism oil consecrated in Jerusalem. The Dean of Westminster apparently poured the holy oil from the Ampulla (a golden vessel shaped like an eagle) onto the Coronation Spoon. The Archbishop of Canterbury then applied it to the king’s head, hands and chest. Out of all the objects used in medieval coronations, only the spoon has survived to this day, due to the fact that most of these items were destroyed during the overthrow and execution of King Charles I.
4. Seeing King Charles III topped with the St Edward’s Crown, rumoured to weigh as much as a small elephant, was a defining, will-it-or-won’t-it-fit moment. Thankfully, the crown did fit, though it looked like the Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby was struggling to screw in a dazzlingly shiny lightbulb. The St Edward’s Crown is not just any old crown – it’s the real deal! Made of gold, and encrusted with precious stones and pearls, this bad boy is the crown jewel (pun intended) of the British monarchy. After the coronation, it is carefully returned to the Tower of London. The last guy who tried to make off with it got tackled by the Queen’s Corgis and ended up with a face full of slobber.
5. Talking of shiny, did you see the gold coach? A crown on wheels if ever I’ve seen one. The gold carriage in question is over 200 years old, and was pulled by a team of eight majestic horses. The interior is decked out in luxurious velvet and satin upholstery, making for a truly regal ride. However, as Queen Elizabeth once famously remarked, the carriage was not designed with comfort in mind. In fact, her own journey in the carriage during her coronation was far from pleasant, leading her to describe it as “horrible.”
6. Not only was the ceremony filled with objects with very fantastical-sounding names, there were people with what sounded like made-up job titles. (What even is a Gold Stick in Waiting?) Well, actually, it’s a fancy name for royal bodyguard. This important position was held by Princess Anne, sister of King Charles. Alongside her, she had a trusty deputy known as the Silver Stick in Waiting.
7. Some people are speculating that the Conservatives might have actually won the local elections if only PM (Penny Mordaunt, bearer of swords, slayer of dragons) had been PM. Speaking of winners, let’s talk more about the Lord President of the Council – now there’s a person who knows how to make carrying a sword look like a breeze. With her background as a former conjurer’s assistant, she’s got some serious magic up her sleeve. And let’s not forget the press-up practice it took to get there – this lady is not to be underestimated.
Of course, it’s all worth it when you get to hold the Jewelled Sword of Offering, with its diamond, ruby and emerald-encrusted hilt (move over St. Edward’s Crown, there’s a new jewel in town). Even Penny, who’s used to being sawn in half, was blown away by the beauty of this weapon. Resembling Britney Spears in her flight attendant garb in the Toxic video, Penny Mordaunt was the breakout star of the Coronation.
