Dubai is a great place to get a massage, and there are so many options. Want a traditional Thai massage? No problem. How about a hot stone massage? Sure thing. And if you’re feeling really adventurous, you can even try a camel milk massage (yes, that’s a real thing).

Over the Eid weekend, we spent a day at a hotel, where I spotted a sign for a free 10-minute massage. With everything being so expensive at the moment, this seemed too good to miss – and even better, there was an appointment straight away. 

I was expecting a relaxing experience. Little did I know what was in store for me!

The masseuse, from Thailand, started kneading my back muscles with all her might. At first, the pressure was just right, but within minutes it started to feel as though she was using her elbows and knees to dig into my muscles.

I began to feel a little uncomfortable, but didn’t want to offend her, so I gritted my teeth and tried to relax. Suddenly, she started cracking my back with a loud “pop” that echoed throughout the room.

Then, she proceeded to wrap her hands around my neck and twisted my head to the left with such force that I thought I was going to pop a vertebra.

I let out a yelp of surprise, which made the masseuse giggle. “Ooh, I don’t really like that,” I pretty much pleaded, realising her next move would surely be to twist my head sharply in the other direction. 

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any more torturous, she started using a wooden stick to massage my neck. I swear, it felt like she was using a drumstick to play a beat on my spine. I started laughing uncontrollably, and the therapist just chortled back and kept going.

I couldn’t help but wonder if I was on some hidden-camera prank show.

Finally, the massage was over, and I went back to join my family, rather relieved to have made it out of there without whiplash.

So it wasn’t exactly a magical unicorn ride through a rainbow of relaxation – and I can’t say if the massage actually did anything for my back or neck, but it sure did make me laugh. And really, isn’t laughter the best medicine?